Not All Butterflies and Rainbows

This week was challenging for me- one that tested my patience involving interpersonal relationships. I was assigned to work with new people on various tasks and either lack of communication or difference in opinions caused me some frustration and bitterness towards these individuals and a feeling of a lack of efficiency in heeding to their behaviors. The pickle workshop was an event I had looked forward to that would give me a break from the fieldwork I would often be assigned for days. But without clear instructions by the young woman in charge of this pickle workshop, I was confused, she impatient, causing stress on both our ends. Though teaching pickling methods to the mentally and physically challenged community was a cute experience, the lingering effects of not doing things right the first time remained with me throughout the day.

Thursdays are officially “chore swap” day, where Adamahniks rotate from their weekly job. As I had been feeding goats and scooping their waste, I knew the procedure and though attempted to explain the chore to a peer, she, someone who had tended to goats in the past seemed to want to do things her way as she was familiar. It was upsetting to be asked to explain a task in the manner in which I was taught, only to be waved off due to a feeling of pride by another- like I’m wasting my time, or doing it wrong, despite this procedure being taught directly by the barnyard manager.

Just hours later my patience was tested yet again by another peer, with whom I was assigned the task of cleaning the common areas at the Isabella Freedman. Here are my needs- I need an ultimate goal, and I need to be told exactly what to do. Though the housekeeping manager had told my partner what was going on, this information was not relayed to me, leading to my becoming upset at not knowing exactly what was to be done and in what fashion.

Communication is a factor that was stressed during Adamah’s application process, which was encouraging to me, coming from a place where communication was failing, yet having grown up in an environment where talking and interacting was crucial for success. In these instances where there was disorganization, unforetold expectations, and negative responses to my attempt at communicating effectively, this had caused a series of emotions I had not experienced since walking out of the van onto the Isabella Freedman campus- anger, depression, confusion, a feeling of being misunderstood.

After the initial magic and perfection of living on a farm among other young adults with open minds and willing hearts, where everything seems to be going 100% is the reality of dealing with others, coming face-to-face to those who are used to different methods of speaking, working, getting things done. This is part of the challenge of living at Adamah, with a cohort of 11 others who are spending their first summer on this farm achieving the tasks presented to them in the way they are accustomed to, or feel would be most effective.

I’m still in awe of this place- of the process and effort that goes into compost and recycling, the fact that I can bike just five minutes away for some goat therapy, or to grab a cup of fresh coffee from the main cafeteria, or to watch the ripples of the lake that is encircled by the Isabella Freedman campus. But weaving the initial adventurous aspect with challenge of living on the farm cooperatively, simply represents the general reality of life on and off the farm. This isn't paradise- it's life.

Routine Verses Adventure

                                          In the "Chai" tunnel, where we trellised cucumbers

I like to think I’m living a piece of Gan Eden (Paradise). In an ironic kind of way. Though Adam and Chava (Eve) had everything they needed without necessitating labor, it is working for our food and transportation that creates the feeling of paradise. The excitement of waking up to Avodat Lev, eating breakfast with my cohort, heading out to the field for a full- or half day’s work, and then to the evening or afternoon activity, honey spinning or pickle-making, or learning about Kashrut (Kosher) and kitchen etiquette at the Isabella Freedman.

The singing among community members Friday night after dinner seemed to ring out in the heavens and create a feeling of comfort, love, and joy that would linger through the rest of Shabbos. The 25 hours that separates Shabbat from work was restful, with meals allowing members of our cohort to connect without the stresses of being on time to fieldwork or to a mandatory meeting with the Adamah staff. This coming week promises to bring variety into our schedules- instead of the regular harvesting and weeding, some are headed berry picking, while others, including me, will be going to a pickle workshop in preparation for a retreat to take place at the Isabella Freedman this weekend.

It seems on some level things are going at a quicker pace- now that we know the routine. The bike rides to Beebe Hill are automatic- most Adamah-niks head out five minutes before to make the 8:45 required time. Lunch at noon, cohort meeting on Sundays at 7pm. With scheduling switching up a bit as we get more involved in the program. We often converse during work- about our families and our beliefs; about whether the weeds we are pulling out are enough to allow a particular plant enough space to grow properly; about whether the strings attached to the cucumber plant provide the ability for the cucumber to grow in the right direction.

And then there are the goats- my chore for the week. Feeding, cleaning up their excrement, and visiting these farm animals are one of the highlights of my day. I run out of the house at 7:00 or 7:15am chanting, “Don’t worry goats, I’m coming,” as my peers chuckle at my obsession with these beings- Quark, Zola, Talya, Mozza and Feta, who anxiously await my arrival at the gate.

It’s a world outside of my own- one that, on the one hand, cuts me off from the one I am so used to, and on the other hand, one that I never want to leave. Adamah- it’s one adventure after another. One where I can run, write, sing, take care of animals- one that allows me to do almost everything I yearn in my heart to be a part of in the real world.

Angels of Shabbos

Shabbos. There's a certain lightness in the air- a sense of joy, calmness, excitement within the Adamah chevre (group). After our first full week of work at the Isabella Freedman, we acknowledged our challenges and our accomplishments during our weekly wrap-up meeting in the Sadeh, the field where we gather at the end of the week. For me, the biggest accomplishment as a group was discussing some important issues, like Shabbos, Kashrut, and while not necessarily reaching clear solutions, certainly heading in that direction with open minds and open hearts. To me, that's huge, coming from a number of places where we shared so much in religious ritual, yet differed in other practices, ensuing in anger, resentment, and arguments that couldn't be resolved, it fills me with gratitude and amazement that we are making it work. It's like a different world here- where people are... normal? Or abnormal? Whatever it is, it's a world I've been waiting for, for so long. But now, it's here. As we transition into Shabbos, following a week of harvesting, cheesemaking, a sunset hike, and random hangouts, I feel I'm about to experience another 25 hours in the wilderness, within a community of love, smiles, and a truly positive Shabbos experience.

Work, Play, and... Life

The first Shabbos at Adamah seems like it was so long ago. There was a certain beauty of the Friday night singing and schmoozing (chatting) that made this place feel like a community, despite how different we all are. It was a time for connection, happiness, and relaxation as we recharged our batteries for the following week.

Over the next few days, I learned how to use various hoes, a weed wacker, working with the irrigation system, and additional tips on how to best eliminate weeds from the garden that plants some of the food we eat at Adamah. It was a lot of hard work in the hot sun, and sunburns and sore muscles are almost inevitable.

Our first house meeting featured an Adamah-nik leading the discussion involved various topics including the level of Shabbat observance to be agreed upon in the household (considering the various backgrounds and religious observances of the participants) and night time noise. While different kinds of people with different needs presented a bit of a challenge, we agreed on some guidelines that would ensure we would come to conclusions that would positively benefit the household.

These last few days also involved some introspective activities, encouraging the participants to open up- share some personal stories and relay their hopes and expectations for this summer.  I think everyone is here in search of something they hope will enable them to live better productive lives, perhaps soul-searching or looking for something that will give them purpose.

                                                         The entrance to Beebe Hill

As exhausting as our days are, I think the staff tries everything they can to encourage participation in other activities that don’t involve farm and house work- cheese making and salva making just to name a few of the optional evening events.

Today I experienced a lot of emotions during different parts of the day- passion, comfort, excitement, but also stress, frustration, and confusion. I think that I’m a little overwhelmed by the sudden change in lifestyle- just a week ago, I was living in Queens with a roommate working at my local preschool. Now, I’m living in rural Connecticut, spending 100% of the time living in a kibbutz (community)-like environment with 11 others, working on a farm in the blistering heat while spending other hours of the day in group meditation, building a community with those whom just five days ago were strangers. The change in pace, as well as other personal matters that came up were perhaps the trigger to- shall I say- needing some personal space.

While I think the staff has done an excellent job to encourage reflection about the program while on the program, at some point I will need to process my real life, back home. The events that took place, where I was then, where I am now, where I will be in the Fall. What led up to these events- what went right, what didn’t. How I can make what didn’t go right, better. Without going into personal detail, I hope that this summer I’ll be able to tackle the here/now, as well as the “back then” and figure out what’s next.

The First Few Days- Jump Right In!

It was a long last couple of days on the farm and it feels like I’ve been here for weeks. It’s unbelievable how much we’ve done, how much I’ve learned. We started out Thursday with what the staff refers to as “Avodat Lev,” the morning prayer service that combines sections of the prayers with chanting, personal reflections, and sometimes musical instruments. This experience consisted of silent meditation, blindfoldedness, and reciting verses of the traditional prayer, enabling us to connect, appreciate, and express our gratitude to G-d for His creations and the things He has given us. It was emotional and spiritual, and started the day off in a powerful manner.

Thursday was mostly an “introduction” day, with various staff giving us a tour of the campus, talking about our various jobs and “chores” as participants, and reviewing general rules and guidelines while on the program. It was an exhausting day but I came back that day with knowledge about weeding and harvesting vegetables, the location of Beebe Hill- one of the fields where we work, what to do with the compost in the facility that believes strongly in recycling and environmental health and safety, and how to facilitate an Adamah meeting held once a week. It seems our bikes will play an essential role this summer, as it will provide the transportation we need to get to our required destinations whether it be the main campus, Beebe Hill, or gardens belonging to nearby residents to complete work.

Friday began the “chore” responsibilities, a pertinent part of the program where participants must take care of certain tasks throughout the week, whether milking the goats, ensuring there is enough food in the refrigerator, or keeping a clean house in the Beit Adamah, the base location of most Adamah-niks and some of the activities. I went with a fellow participant to collect food from the main cafeteria at the Isabella Freedman and harvest some vegetables for Shabbat meals, ensuring there’s sufficient food for the weekend, when the cafeteria would be closed. We were educated and guided by the kitchen staff about what food we can take from the kitchen and shown where the various dried and frozen goods are kept. From there we went to lunch and then to work in the field. It was pouring, but according to staff, we work rain or shine. We did a lot of similar work from the previous day, but in a different field, a vast area owned by a couple who lived in the area.

The remaining staff drove over to the field in the late afternoon, gathering us for a pre-Shabbat discussion, where we talked about the last couple of days and reviewed scheduling for the following week. They assured us that Shabbat at the Isabella Freedman would be a relaxing and enjoyable experience, enabling us to soak in the beauty of the campus and socialize in a more relaxed atmosphere, without the pressures of chores and the hard work we would be doing during the week. They invited us to a mikveh (traditional Jewish cleansing) ceremony, separate for girls and guys, where some immersed in the surrounded lake water as a pre-Shabbat ritual. It was a strange experience- the slight discomfort was something the staff had said would be present for all of us on same level, while they try to accommodate of different religious levels.

It’s exciting to start this new life that will last for the next 10 weeks- it’s a lot of hard work and responsibility but this, combined with the spirituality of Avodat Lev and Shabbos seems to carve out a short-term experience that will stay with me for a little while.

It’s a special group, these individuals who span from Israel to Chicago to New York to Maryland- I think everyone is searching for something in their lives, whether it involves connecting to Judaism, working on their relationships, or learning skills about farming. It’s a laid-back group of people, open and willing to go out of their way to create a community, a cohesive group working to create something bigger. One fellow makes a dish and invites us to partake, a girl washes the dishes though that particular task was assigned to another participant, another guy sets up a slack line that he had brought for his own entertainment and leaves it up for others to use during the summer. There’s a general sense of courtesy and willingness to share that I hadn’t found often while living in New York City. When I was brought up, I was taught to be kind and generous, and I think these Adamah-niks are similar in personality, with a positive perspective on life and desire to create change and a better community.

Arrival at Adamah- A Breath of Fresh Air

I took the train up to Wassaic, NY following my preschool graduation. I had met up in Queens with a girl who came from Israel and we took the train up together, joking about how rude the driver was from the car service we took up to Grand Central Station, and how obnoxious a staff at the train station responded when I had asked her for exact directions to the train.

We were glad to leave the busy city of New York, entering the new world of Falls Village, Connecticut where we would be working at the Isabella Freedman, in a Jewish eco-friendly farming-type of environment, where life slows down a bit. I still haven’t been able to properly label this program- while I’ve been describing it as a “farming fellowship,” it seems to be a lot more than just a farm. I still don't know how to respond when people ask why I’m doing this program. A staff member had assured me that at some point during the summer- the answer will come to me- when I’ll know why I’m really here, whether it’s while milking the goats, pulling weeds, or cutting vegetables for an Adamah dinner.

The girl and I met up with a fellow “Adamah-nik” on the train during our brief transfer. The fellow had just arrived from Austin, Texas where he was visiting family on a vacation, and we talked about the difference in culture and experiences in Israel, verses the US.

A staff member met us at the Wassaic station with a sign welcoming us to Adamah. She drove us in an Isabella Freedman van, telling us about her experience and what to expect at Adamah. Arriving at the Adamah House, soon to be known as the Beit Adamah, we were ushered to a meeting in the main area, where the co-director at Adamah opened with an ice breaker to allow the 10 Adamah-niks (soon to be 12) and a few members of staff to get to know each other, ensuring us we would not only be teaming up with each other, but building a community this summer. After being broken up into groups and performing humorous skits intended to display our expectations of the daily routine of an Adamah-nik, we went off to dinner, where we were joined by members of Teva, a camp that was running that week, which educated teenagers on the important of taking care of the environment. An info session followed dinner, informing future Adamah-niks gathered inside a hut about scheduling and general guidelines for the summer. While some people attended an optional lecture given by an expert on eco-friendly expert, many of us retreated to our places of stay, unpacking and turning in for the night.

It’s been a long year living in the city of New York, and coming to the Isabella Freedman for their Adamah program this summer was something I had looked forward to since last year. I knew that this experience would be unique, and while I have little to no experience in farming-type activities, this program presents more than simply a farming fellowship. It’s a community- it’s individuals from places as local as Boston, as far as Israel who came with a range of little to extensive experience in this area. But there’s a deeper conscious and subconscious feeling of home at Adamah. I’ve been here on retreats on several occasions, and certainly returning here with fond memories of friends, discovery of self-identity, bonding with nature, and peers who are warm and accepting adds to the cozy feeling of the Isabella Freedman. And I think on top of that, coming on Adamah to fill in the holes of my sometimes subconscious desires- connecting with nature, caring for farm animals, building true friendships, creating a strong community through team-building tasks, and perhaps striking up new friendships to last a long time- that, along with other reasons that are sure to come up later in the summer, is my reason for participating in Adamah this summer. On so many levels, I feel my life has just started.

Adamah- An Introduction

I've been looking forward to Adamah since last year, when I felt I had experience a summer that was lacking in productivity- it seemed friends weren't around, I wasn't accomplishing to the degree that I had wanted to work-wise, and I was wasting the summer away doing things that made me think back and wonder whether this is the career I really wanted. Did I want to write when there didn't always seem to be something to write about? Do I want to spend my hours, spend my days at home writing and editing, when there was a big world I wanted to get out and experience, when my social interactions seemed to have been dwindling, and I was going out of my mind, the hours passing, waiting... waiting, for what? I wasn't sure, exactly. I just knew something was missing, and if I had felt this way as a journalist, I needed to keep looking for something that would help me feel successful and fulfilled.

That's why I had joined Adamah this summer- a program in rural Connecticut allowing participants to work on a farm, learn about Jewish topics, and work together to build a strong community. Where hours are long, but at the end of the day, you know you've made a difference while doing things you love with like-minded people. Where I will never feel bored or useless in a kibbutz-like environment where all hands are needed at all times to care for the chickens, to organize the compost, to ensure the communal household is kept clean and tidy.

I'm excited about this program and hope to keep up regular updates regarding the work that we do and life at the Isabella Freedman. I intend to write about the activities followed by a personal reflection, and some of the entries may be more casual, diary-style due to the limited about of personal time I have during the program.