Is a long one.
Thinking time.
The chance to ponder my recent past.
Trying to fill the hole that was left
Inside me as my life turned around in one day.
Downing multiple cups of coffee.
Getting another piercing.
Taking a shopping trip.
Consuming popsicles in the freezer of my school, by the hour.
What could possibly fill the gap
Of the loss of the life I was living,
Just a few days ago?
I've been taught, time and time again
To be in the moment
Allow myself to feel these feelings.
And then make plans. Look towards the future.
Keep busy.
Rinsing crates of kale outside the Cultural Center,
Was replaced with the organizing of my classroom for the first day of school.
Instead of slicing hundreds of carrots for retreat guests in the main kitchen,
I am now shuffling file cabinets for relevant school material.
Connecting to others always took me time.
But when I did, I always held on tight.
Which makes letting go difficult beyond anything.
Friendships, experiences, retreats.
Embracing and living up every possible moment.
While on the organic farm.
Because as of next week, the farming fellowship will be history.
Keeping the connections, but letting go.
A deep sadness, a loss I know will linger
As I re-begin my new life in the city as a child educator
And will eventually, at some point, disintegrate back into thin air.
Just a memory.
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